Better to light a candle than curse the darkness...

Those are the words on the side of the 30ft motorhome that Light Patrol takes into the city on most of their outreach nights ... "Better to light a candle than curse the darkness" ... Tonight we had a meeting for the volunteers of Light Patrol. The director of Light Patrol finished off the evening by talking about this phrase and what it means having it there and how it can affect all of us who go out to the streets to "be a light". I have been thinking about this phrase ever since... These past three months as I have gone out hoping to BE a light, I have FOUND a light in the darkness as well. Maybe it's just that I can be an ever hopeful optimist, but in the darkness I can see God, the ultimate light, working. Maybe it's just that I can not deny the fact that there is this amazing creator who loves my friends on the streets, who wants to provide them with a life filled with light, out of the darkness. Whatever it is, I can not deny the light I found on the street this summer.



God knew that I was going to be going through a time of change this summer, a lonely time, and he took care of it for me. He brought me to a wonderful group of staff and volunteers that I got to work along side with. They brought so much light to my life everyday. God also brought all of my new friends on the street into my life. He ordained every good, meaningful conversation I had, and even just the "What can I get for you tonight?" conversations. He was there. The light was there. I got to learn all over again what it means to try and live a servant life, simply because Christ did it. I got to learn to love complete strangers for no reason except for the fact that God wanted me to. You see as much as I wanted to be a light in the darkness this summer, God gets to take all the credit for that light. As much as a person, like me, goes into things like this outreach opportunity hoping to help bring a change to someone else’s life, I think the greatest change happens in ouselves. My official placement ends on Tuesday (but I'll be sticking around Light Patrol and helping as much as I can) and as that placement ends, the light that I had hoped to reflect to others has changed me in ways I am only starting to realize, because God is always there and He is good!

My friends on the streets...

Homeless
By: Gary Hyink

My world fell apart the other day
A personal tragedy tore my world away
I was once so comfortable and secure
My life is now a constant blur
Family times and days well spent
Are now replaced by cold, hard cement
I never meant for it to be this way
A personal tragedy tore my world away
It's kind of you to help me when you do
Maybe you realize it could happen to you

I have posted in the past about doing my hours for my school placement, but have never really said much about what I am actually doing. For the past three months I have had the privilege of working with a homeless outreach called Light Patrol. They bring light and hope, into the darkness and despair that is often the streets of Toronto. They also bring practical things like food, water, clothes, and hygiene items to the people who need it. On the nights that we go out we usually go downtown in a motor home. We have our usual stops and people know where to find us. We are always searching out to meet new people that we can be a friend to. Our friends on the streets usually come on and hang out with us. They share with us their lives and stories. They become our friends. It is an amazing privilege to get to hang out with these people. Some are older, some younger. Some struggle with drug and alcohol addictions, most of them have been abused in some way, some are prostitutes, but they all matter. Every single one of them has a name that is worth knowing and a story that is worth telling. So many of them have amazing talents and posses great amounts of knowledge about so many topics. I have loved my last three months of getting to hang out with my friends on the streets. They are some of the most unique groups of people I have ever met. Most of their stories break my heart and make me wish I could do more. That is when I have to remember that God does more then I could ever imagine. When we leave the streets and go back to our homes, where we have roofs over our heads, God stays there. He loves every single one of my friends on the streets because they are a child of His. They may deny it and not want anything to do with God, but he will never stop loving them. I guess that thought gives me comfort ... when I know I can't make everything better, I know God is working it all out.

If you ever want to know anything more about my time hanging out with my homeless friends, donate items or are interested in becoming a financial and/or prayer supporter for a Light Patrol full time worker please feel free to contact me.

I LOVE THE FALL!!!

This summer I set a list of goals for myself. Some of them I did really well, others I failed miserably at. I had an amazing, relaxing summer all in all. But now fall has come and let me just state this: I LOVE THE FALL! I love the fall for a number of reasons...

1- Because it gives me another season to keep working at my goals
2- Sweaters! I love getting to wear big comfy sweaters
3- Picnics in the park with my puppy and my favourite boy ... I know it is probably more of a spring thing but for me it is a fall thing
4- As a philosophical boy recently told me "In the summer people look to the earth. In the fall people look to God." I can't help but admire how cool God is at creating things and changing things and making things to reflect how awesome He is, especially in the fall
5- Taking walks in the cool fresh air
6- Drives up north are never more beautiful
7- Trees everywhere are gorgeous
8- Fall means no more re-runs of my favourite TV shows, which is always enjoyable
9- Celebrating Beth and Jim's wedding anniversary
10- I feel like with all the changes in the fall season, I feel more hopeful... like anything is possible, anything can happen, and anything I really want to change is changeable

Like I said before.... I LOVE THE FALL!!!! Enjoy some beautiful fall photos that help make me love fall even more!

Love...

It is amazing the things you can fall in love with... places, animals, people… This summer I spent a lot of time with my new puppy, Daisy. It was an immediate love that I had for her. I have loved getting to watch her grow over the summer. It has been a privilege to teach her new things and care for her. This summer I also fell in love with a boy. His name is David and he is 7 months old. What an amazing baby he is. For a week in August I got to go up to Jackson's Point Salvation Army Camp with a group of moms and their kids. For an entire week I got to cuddle this little baby and feed him and sing him to sleep, while his mom got to have time to relax a little bit. It was wonderful. It is funny how love for certain things often stirs up love for other things in your heart. Africa, missions, orphanages and the list goes on, are some of the few things baby David stirred in my heart. He reminded me of the call God has on my life to help and care for those who are unable to care for themselves. I love remembering how much God loves the little children and how much we should as well and man do I ever love this little boy...

Where did July go???

Wow, so it's already August? I can't believe it! I don't know where the time has gone at all. Summer is going well. I am kind of doing well at accomplishing some of my summer goals. Let’s see.... I have visited camp 3 times already; Daisy and I have gone to 2 weeks of puppy classes so far; I have gone on a road trip (with a ton of driving) and swam with polar bears; I have reconnected and hung out with some of my friends from the city as well as I have hung out with some of my friends that stayed home from MWSR this summer and yesterday I took Grant and Erica to Ontario Place. I am also continuing to do my school placement and loving it a lot. Some of my other goals are half way being done and hopefully I'll be able to keep checking them off my list. I also had my birthday in July. As of July 22nd I was 23! I can't believe how old I feel already. So that’s about it I believe for my summer so far. The pictures below are from my road trip and swim with the polar bears.














Daisy is all ready for her camping/road trip!



And she set right to digging holes once we had arrived at each new camping site!



We stopped at this AMAZING used bookstore along the highway. I love old books! While the store is in a random location, it is well worth the stop! There are just shelves and shelves of pretty much any type of book you could hope for.



Yeah for polar bears being up close! Really really close!



Got to love the scenery while you drive! (Although my mom wasn't so keen when I took a picture while driving, go figure.)

Beautiful Somehow

By: Joy Williams

Well I’ve never been a fashion queen
I wear dresses, I wear jeans
I’ve even been known to wear my heart on my sleeve
I’m just your average kid next door
A plain, simple mystery
I’m a self-proclaimed Daddy’s girl
With my share of idiosyncrasies
But You love me for me

CHORUS
And I’m just fine
I see a smile from Heaven
My Father is proud
I know that I am simply, fearfully and wonderfully
Made in You
You make it beautiful somehow

I’ve got old fashioned sensibilities
I believe chivalry still exists
And I can be a princess
Even when there ain’t no prince
So what if I’m right brained
I’ve got half a mind to disagree
I would rather write the book
Than go and read the movie
So even when I may not rhyme
You always give me reason…

CHORUS

Got my elbows on the table
My mind up in the clouds
I know I’m getting better
I can almost hear You laugh out loud
The more I trust in You
The more I find What You create is no mistake
It’s purpose by design

CHORUS

Goals for the summer...

* things added to the list after the original post are in italics *

Summer in the city??? This is the first summer in 6 summers that I have not been up north at Muskoka Woods working for the summer. I have been a guest or a staff member there for the last 16 summers, so the idea of spending a summer in the city is a very foreign concept to me. I am already feeling like I might go insane. So to prevent insanity I have decided to set some goals for things I would like to do this summer. They are as follows:

1- Learn Sign Language (and not just the alphabet, I mean really learn it and become capable of communicating through it)
2- Read at least 10 books
3- Go on at least one road trip
4- Learn to play 3 songs on my guitar (I am still learning the cords as of now)
5- Paint ... I am not sure what yet, I guess I'll wait to be inspired
6- Take my new puppy, Daisy, to obedience class
7- Finish drawing my "captivating" book
8- Mail my best friend Amanda, who is up north at camp for the summer, a letter/card every week
9- As well, every week randomly send someone else up north a letter/card
10- Visit Muskoka Woods at least 3 times
11- Reconnect and hang out with my friends who live in the city
12- Every day that I am home, go for a run or do lengths in my pool
13- Cross stitch 2 pictures
14- Start volunteering in some way with my church's neighborhood connections program
15- Attend church every week and spend time daily doing devotions
16- Do my school placement, and do it well
17- Stay in touch with friends who live far away
18- Visit other people who have stayed home from Muskoka Woods this summer
19- Find a quiet place, within 1/2 hour of my house that I can go to get away and hopefully see the stars at night (that the city lights inconveniently drown out)
20- Hang out with Erica and Grant (my Godson) a lot
21- Journal daily
22- Spend a day at a spa
23- Go to the zoo
24- Go to a butterfly conservation area
25- Spend a day antique shopping/browsing
26- Go on a walk above the trees (Scenic Cave Nature Adventure (?))
27- Get a part-time job (?)
28- Have Jay visit me
29- Go horseback riding
30- Swim with the polar bears (Polar Bear Habitat)

As the summer goes on I may find new things to add to this list, but for now I think the things I have listed will definitely keep me occupied. If you have any suggestions on things I should do feel free to let me know!

For those of you who are spending the summer up north, have an amazing time and appreciate everything up there even when you are tired and the "well-off" children are driving you crazy.

Blessed...

There is a wonderful blessing that comes when you have the opportunity to reconnect with old friends. For the past week I have been doubly blessed. My friends from YWAM, Kathryn and Vinjelu, arrived here in Ontario on June 14th and stayed with my family and I for the week. I was nervous about them coming. It had been two years since I had seen them both, and a lot of things had changed in those two years. For starters they started dating, got engaged and married! I had only known them when they were friends so I didn't know what to expect. What I got however exceed anything I could have expected. I loved every minute of time spent with Kathryn and Vinj. Our friendships picked up right off where we left them when I left Alberta 2 years ago. I loved watching the way they love each other, and it was an honour to be reminded of how much they loved and still love me. Through many conversations and time spent together these two blessed my life so much. They never fail to compliment me or tell me I'm beautiful, or speak such truth into my life. At first it was weird to hear because friends that do those kinds of things are so rare these days. It makes me want to be that kind of friend to people, to be able to help someone feel better about their selves. Below are some pictures of my time spent with Vinj and Kathryn. How I love them both. I am excited already to go out west sometime in the fall/winter to spend more time with them. Thank you to Kathryn and Vinj for everything you bring to my life, I hope you know what a joy it was to have you both here with me. I miss you both already.

Weddings...

Ahhh, my friends are starting to get married! I all of a sudden feel old. My friend Simon got married on May 27th in Petawawa, on the army base there. It was a 5 hour drive to get there and then home again. The sunset on the way home was so beautiful. It was worth the drive. The weather that day was amazing with the sun shining everywhere. Once I got there I was excited for himself and Tera (his now wife). They seemed so happy which is always fun to watch at weddings and you can always count on the best man to give a speech that ultimately makes the bride’s father worried, but oh man was it funny. I loved getting to see a lot of the guys that I have grown up with, but have not seen in a long time. I laughed so much with them. I thought I would post some of the pictures I took. Enjoy!

What I have learned these past seven months...

I did it! I made it through my last two weeks of school. (And they were only a little bit as bad as I thought they would be) Last Friday I officially wrote my last exam. I am pretty confident that it went really good so now I am just waiting for my marks back. I have taken some time since Friday to think about my past seven months in class and have comprised a list of the top 10 things I have learned, some through observation, some from personal experience...

10- Teachers are hired because they really do know what they are talking about and we should listen to them
9- The girl that everyone else thinks is mean at first glance can end up being one of your favourite people
8- In every classroom you need a few allies, people you can really talk to without holding back
7- Every person has their off days where they are emotional and crazy and that is allowed
6- You truthfully don’t have to like everyone, but you have no excuse to be cruel to them
5- The no eating in the classroom rule only counts if the teacher actually catches you disobeying it
4- Participation marks really can make or break your grade and actually doing homework reading assignments and studying for tests can be very beneficial to your grades as well
3- You go into a classroom expecting to learn only about the topic at hand, and in turn you wind up learning more about yourself, others and life then you ever thought you would
2- Every person deserves the opportunity for you to take your time to get to know them and to let them get to know you, no matter what anyone else thinks about them
1- Talking bad about someone and/or behind their back gets you absolutely no where, but learning to speak out of kindness and love, gets you everywhere

So to Anelita, Azeb, Bev, Dana, Donna, George, Holly, Jackie, Jenelle, Julie, Katie, Luc, Maria, Matt, Robert, Sonali, Soraya, and Steve, thank you for all the memories of the past seven months. It was a gong show, but I still loved it and appreciate every one of you for your place in my journey through life.

In memory of my Cody...

"You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us." ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

I'm not sure about that quote above, but man I hope it's true. I really hope there are dogs (and animals in general) in Heaven. My beautiful golden retriever, Cody, had to be put to sleep today. Needless to say I am brokenhearted. I have barely stopped crying all day. He had been getting sicker the last week or a bit, so my mom and I took him in this morning to get looked at. He had stopped eating and didn't walk around much lately. They kept him at the vets to do x-rays and blood work. They x-rays came back and my poor dog's body was filled with cancerous tumors. It was awful. I can't believe how much was in his body and that he never even complained. Unfortunately there was nothing that could be done anymore and so the most humane thing to do was to put him down. I sat with him while he was given his injection and passed away peacefully. I hate that, how people and in this case animals can go from living and existing and being, right in front of you and then just be gone. It hurts so much just thinking about him being gone. I loved Cody from the moment I met him. He had a family before us but his human parents got a divorce and he was sent to a dog foster home before he got to come live with us. I can still remember driving to his temporary home with our other dog Rolly, so they could meet and make sure they would get along. Cody was just a huge suck. He always wanted to be close to someone wither you were petting him or he was just lying down making sure to keep track of your every move. He had the most beautiful wagging tail, which was so strong it had been known to knock people over, but he was just always so excited to greet the people who entered our home. He was so loving and playful, especially with our cats. He was also just so gentle. I'm going to miss Cody … probably forever. I know the pain in my heart will get better, but I will never be able to forget the love that he gave me and allowed me to give him. I love you Cody and I really hope you are getting to play in Heaven now, cancer free. I'll bring you a piece of cheese when I get there bud. Loving you always sweetheart…

For the faith of my hairdresser...

Last fall I discovered that my hairdresser was a Christian. I was just there for a simple hair cut that day so I only spent an hour with her then. Even then in that hour she blew me away with her love for God and desire to learn more. She shared with me that she was asked to write a book on Revelations, which by no means is an easy task. So that day we talked about some of the things she had learned through her research. I left the hairdressers' that day, just amazed at this lady and her life. Yesterday I had the pleasure of hanging out with her again. This time it was for a good 3 1/2 hours. It took that long because she got my hair back to a blonde colour (it's been red for the past 3 months) and chopped quite a bit off. I loved those 3 hours yesterday. Just hanging out and chatting with her. I left feeling renewed and more in love with God then when I had walked in. I love when people can help you in that way, simply by being themselves. This woman has such an admirable faith and way at looking at the world through everything she stays so faithful and encouraging. I only hope that as I get older, I can learn to have the faith of my hairdresser.

Fast forwarding through life???

I sometimes find myself just wishing I could fast forward my life. Today is especially one of those days. In exactly two weeks my life is going to be drastically different, and I honestly wouldn't mind getting to the end of those two weeks immediately. For those of you who don't know I have been in school since December, 12th. I am going to college in downtown Toronto. Everyday for the past 6 months I have ventured onto the TTC subway; had many sketchy adventures and sat through 5 hours of class. In exactly two weeks I will be done!!!!!! Not soon enough at all. In two weeks I will have handed in my last assignment, written my last two exams, and be on my way to starting my placement. I will have also made the huge trek to the wedding I am going to next weekend. Class has been especially crazy and dramatic lately, so I am definitely looking forward to a major change of pace :) But since I can't fast forward through the next two weeks, maybe I can learn and try really hard to enjoy them... I'll keep you posted on how that goes.

Do it anyways...

Goodbyes...

"Goodbye." What a word, what a concept... I have had my fair share of goodbyes in my life time. Goodbyes come when people leave. Sometimes it's for a day, a month, a year, multiple years and sometimes it's for a lifetime. I don't know which length of goodbye I find the hardest.

The day goodbyes are normally fine because you know you will see the person again and rather soon. A month away from someone is normally ok as well. You spend the first part of the time missing that person, but then the second half of the time is spent excited that the person is coming back. A year is so hard because so many things happen in one year. So many things that you wish you could share with that person. There is still the reassurance however that when you say goodbye you will see them again. The same goes with multiple years. Those years may be hard but you can still hold onto the fact that you will see them again. Lifetime goodbyes are normally had when a person dies or moves halfway across the world or something. Those ones I think are the saddest; they are the ones that keep you crying for days. I have had way to much experience with the lifetime goodbyes, and I know there will always be more.

I think one of the things that makes goodbyes the hardest is unfinished business. Maybe you never got to or forgot to tell the person something while they were around. Maybe you doubt if that person really knew how much you loved them and loved having them in your life. Maybe a part of you really doubts if you will see that person ever again. With me I think that as long as that person that I am saying goodbye to can tell me that they have no doubts about the fact that I love them and while they were in my life that I was good to them, then I'm ok with the finality of the word goodbye. It doesn't mean it won't hurt and that I won't cry, it just means that eventually I'll be ok with it.

Here is a little photo journey (with the descriptions of the pictures at the end of the last picture) of some of the people I have had to say goodbye to over the past year: (There are quite a few other photos that belong here, of the people I have said goodbye to and miss dearly but I still have to upload them onto the computer)

Picture 1: Zjholt and I -> He is an autistic boy I met while in Romania last year. He had the most profound impact on my heart while I was there and he couldn't even speak. I have been thinking about him a lot lately as another team gets ready to go back to Romania in a week.

Picture 2: Lory -> She is my favourite reason for attending Tyndale University last year if I had to pick one. Becoming friends with her was one of the greatest blessings of my year. I only see her every couple months now but I love our random adventures together so much.

Picture 3: Emily -> She by far is one of the biggest reasons leaving Muskoka Woods is so hard everytime I am there. I hate not getting to see Emily everyday. She is so smart, and loving, and genuine and beautiful and the list could go on and on. I hate the goodbye with Emily days, but the hello days always make up for them.

Picture 4: Jay -> He is my latest goodbye experience. After years of living in Ontario, he is moving home to Manitoba. He started his drive on Friday. The last time he made that drive I was with him, experiencing my first and only trip to Manitoba. Over the last 4 years I have had many adventures with this boy. Road trips, sports trips, walks to the lagoons, "meetings" with "pens". The most important part of our adventures has always been the conversations and the time spent together. He started as a friend and has ended up feeling like family. A brother who I love no matter what, but sometimes just ticks me right off. This goodbye is still fresh, and so is the sadness that's comes with him being gone.

Picture 5: Andreas -> How I love this boy. He became my unofficial husband at camp (Muskoka Woods) about 4 summers ago, because we basically fight and love each other still like we are married. This past year he has been in school in Nova Scotia so I have seen him on his visits home, but I have had to become accustomed to saying goodbye to him as well. I always miss him when he leaves.

Picture 6: Chris -> I've known Chris for close to 3 years now. We met in Calgary and went to Thailand on the same missions trip through YWAM. That was 6 months of seeing each other almost everyday. He lives in Regina, SK and I live in Ontario so there was going to have to be a goodbye day eventually. After YWAM was over I went to visit him and he came in December to visit me here, so that is 3 big goodbyes. 3 goodbyes of I will probably see you again but there is always the chance that I won't. I hate goodbyes with Chris. I cried a lot after he left Toronto. (He doesn't know that but will now if he reads this) Chris is a rare kind of friend to me. He is encouraging, and kind, and calls me on things others wouldn't. He brings out the best in me and encourages me to be better. He lets me talk, or maybe it's just that I actually feel comfortable talking to him and sharing my heart, which is a rare occurrence in my life. Whatever the case I love the hello days with this boy, and the goodbye days not so much. At least there is long distance phone calls and msn.

The beauty of mountains...

I have been missing the mountains a lot today

^ I also miss these girls a lot as well. (Thanks for the pictures Steph!)

Feeling uneasy...

I have found it so hard to write lately ... perhaps like my wise Emily Duffield once stated, I just needed to wait until inspiration came. I'm not sure if inspiration has come or not or maybe I just feel like typing but whatever it is I am writing a new blog.

Lately I have been feeling uneasy. I have also been feeling frustrated, tired, sick, bored, lonely, happy, excited, and unsettled. So yeah I think uneasy is the best feeling to describe me right now.

I used to be such a homebody, content to stay here in Ontario. In grade 11 I took my first big trip by myself, I went to England to see my favourite British friend Liz. Since then I have traveled to 5 provinces and 2 different continents by myself, and now I can't stay still. God has put travel and missions on my heart so much that it is so incredibly hard when I am not doing it. I know that training, preparing and growing is such a huge part of it, but I sometimes forget to do all that learning and strengthening and growing and everything at home. I guess sometimes that uneasy feeling can have its benefits because I know I am more likely to take that step out in faith and follow through on whatever journey I feel God is leading me on.

I am in the process of finding an internship for my school right now. The feeling of uneasiness comes there as well. I want to be challenged and learn and grow so much from this internship, but I need to find one first. There are a couple options that I am looking into right now, some more realistic then others. The thing is though, I love adventures! So a big part of my heart just wants to be irresponsible and adventurous and pursue the placement that seems a little bit crazy. I'll keep you posted on how the placement searching goes.

But, now that it is almost 3am I better stop writing. So here’s to praying that I know where God wants me now and in the future and that I can feel completely confident in it all. Good night all!