Missing Him...

This morning as I was driving, I thought of a friend of mine that I miss a lot. I miss them so much, so often, that I often say that my heart literally aches because of it. So I started wondering what is this missing thing and where did I learn to identify this feeling? Did someone teach me that when I think about someone and tears come to my eyes and my heart hurts, that is what missing someone is? How did I even learn that I could miss someone at all? Some days I wish I didn't know this feeling.

As I kept thinking I was reminded of a blog I read back in the summer. It was about this little girl cuddling with her mom talking about how one day they would get to be in Heaven with Jesus. The little girl said to her mom "I miss Jesus." It made me cry when I first read it, because it was so cute and innocent and I thought "Me too!" It brings tears to my eyes now, because I long for that in a lot of ways now. To be so connected to Jesus, to spend so much time with Him, getting to know Him and His heart. To have such a childlike faith that I long to be with Him everyday of my life. I want to miss Jesus more then I already do...

I Could Sing of Your Love Forever ...

Over the mountains and the sea
Your river runs with love for me
And I will open up my heart
And let the healer set me free

I'm happy to be in the truth
And I will daily lift my hands
For I will always sing
Of when your love came down

(Chorus)
I could sing of your love forever
I could sing of your love forever
I could sing of your love forever
I could sing of your love forever

Over the mountains and the sea
Your river runs with love for me
And I will open up my heart
And let the healer set me free
I'm happy to be in the truth
And I will daily lift my hands
For I will always sing
Of when your love came down

(Chorus)
(Chorus)

Oh, I feel like dancing
This foolishness, I know
But when the world has seen the light
They will dance with joy
Like we're dancing now

(Chorus)
(Chorus)

When I first became a Christian this song was one of the first "worship" songs that I learned. I loved it right away. I loved the words, the tune, and the things it made me feel. I loved being able to sing about this kind of love I was experiencing for the first time in my life ... this kind of love that you can only receive from God. I loved the lines "I could sing of your love forever" because I couldn't imagine not singing of His love forever, and I still can't. This song just holds so many memories for me as well.

It reminds me of Muskoka Woods and the Saturday Chapels and the Praise and Prayer Services, and just sitting down by the lake in the canoeing area pouring out my heart to the Lord.

It reminds me of being in Thailand with my DTS outreach and being in this temple that you could sense there was so much spiritual darkness there, and singing this song without even realizing I was as I wandered throughout the temple. It was also during my DTS when I truly did start to let "the healer set me free" and what an amazing journey that has been.

It reminds of Romania, where I sat by a river with my little autistic friend Zjolt in my lap. He couldn't speak a word and was antsy most of the day, but sitting there in my lap I began to sing this song for him and he instantly settled down and we just cuddled as I sang to him, over and over again coming back to this song.

It reminds me of this summer getting to hang out with baby David at teen mom camp, and how at nap times and at bed times as I rocked him to sleep this was the song I kept singing.

It also reminds me of this past week as I walked up and down the hospital halls with my friend from high schools' baby, Memphis, in my arms, singing her to sleep with this song once again. Baby Memphis’ twin brother, Hudson, died last week at 6 months of age, and she has also been sick. She was able to come home on Wednesday though, which is very good news. Wednesday was also her brother's funeral, which is why I was with her at the hospital, while her family was at the funeral. That day was very bittersweet.

It is my prayer for all of these kids that just as they were settled to sleep or to calmness with the words of a song about how amazing it is to love God, that they will learn to do so all the days of their lives. It is also my prayer that I will never forget how amazing it is to love God and that I will truly always sing of His love forever.

Beauty tips by Audrey Hepburn...

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, reclaimed and redeemed.

Never throw out anybody.

A weekend like this...

I just got home tonight from a weekend spent at Muskoka Woods. Muskoka Woods used to be my life. I spent all my summers there. I worked some weekends up there during the year, and at the very least visited lots all year long. I also attended a Muskoka Woods Bible Study group for the last 6 years on and off depending on where I was living. Muskoka Woods is becoming a lesser part of my life as time goes on. My best friends are still from there and I still love it, but I don't spend my summers there anymore (as of this past year) and I visit less. One thing that is still a huge part of my Muskoka Woods life journey though is the memories I have and the bible study group. This weekend 16 of us gathered up at Muskoka Woods for a bible study leaders retreat. It was a phenomenal weekend. Camp was bare of people, except for us and a few of their staff that were around. A camp that at any given time usually has at least 1000 people on property was empty! It was also empty of snow, much like the city, which was sad and good in its own ways. We spent the weekend doing this thing called "life lines". Basically we were given the opportunity to share our stories of our lives and learn about everyone else’s lives. After each person shared we encouraged each other with our comments and through prayer. It was absolutely amazing listening to everyone. God was totally present as many tears and hard things were shared. What a privilege it was to get to share a weekend like this with all the wonderful people that were up there. I completely felt such a renewed since of love for many of my friends that were up there. (I also got to see my friend Emily at MW and have a sleepover with her which was awesome because I love that girl a lot.) God is so good and always knows exactly what we need!

"And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6:28-34

I love having visitors!!!

Something that I have picked up from my mom is hospitality. She has always loved having people over for meals and visits. I am very much like this as well. One of my favourite things about having friends who live in different provinces and countries is being able to visit them and even better having them visit me! I have a wonderful friend Jay, who I have posted about on here before. He is from Manitoba. I absolutely love having Jay visit me and when I get to visit him. The time we spend together is always fun and entertaining. I purely enjoy Jay's company. He came 2 weeks ago to stay with me and visit some of his other friends as well. While he was here we went out for lunches, dinners, went trampolining and shopping, went to the ROM and a Leaf game, celebrated the coming of 2007, got a new car and hung out at my place a lot. It was fun laughing with, and sometimes at, him. I love having a friend as good as Jay … He is pretty wonderful!

What happens in a year???

It is 2007 already? I feel like it was just yesterday that I was becoming a blogger and now here I am a year later, wondering about what has changed or not changed in my life....

I am now a college graduate
I have made new friends
One of my dogs died and I now have a new puppy
I don't work for Muskoka Woods anymore
I still love the colour blue, daises, and being creative
I volunteer more
I have learned how to let my heart love again
I have rekindled old friendships that are now huge impacts in my life
I have fallen more in love with God
I have visited friends and had friends visit me
I read more and watch TV less
I try to listen more and talk less
I am consistently trying to be more encouraging, patient, loving and forgiving
I know what I am going to be spending 9 months of this year doing
I am learning how to play a guitar
I still love art, music and random adventures
... I am still me ... another year older, and hopefully maybe a little wiser, but I'm still me

My candy heart says "hug me" ...

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out.Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Accepted to the Children at Risk School!!!

The following is the e-mail I received a couple of days ago that confirms my acceptance into the school I have been wanting to take for some time now...

Hi Trisha,

It was great to read through your application and have time to pray. Again, I am so blessed by your interest in working with children and now with the gifts, interests and skills that you bring with you. So, I'm very pleased to let you know you have been accepted to the April, 2006 Children at Risk School here in Burtigny, Switzerland. I will let the Registrar, Donna-Rae Cartwright, know and she will send an official acceptance and let you know any details. But, if there are questions you have about the school or that aren't answered in her correspondence don't hesitate to write to me. I am really looking forward to meeting you and exploring together what God has for you in the future.

Blessings, Janna

You are more then enough...

I have struggled, as a lot of females do, over the years with feeling like I wasn't enough. Not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not kind enough... the list goes on. It is a certain mind frame that I feel like females fall trap to way to often and Satan loves to use it against us. There is an amazing book that I have read called Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. It speaks such truths about the things a female thinks and feels about herself. It also speaks such truth about the way God sees us. It was the truth about the way God sees me that He spoke quietly into my heart the other night. Satan was telling me lies and I was feeling down, but I could feel God just tugging at my heart. He wants to be the one whose words we believe, so I started listening. "I created you... I chose you... I love you... You are more then enough, simply because you are my daughter, and I made you in my image. Let me love you... Let me comfort you... Let me tell you that you are more then enough." God is amazing and the way that He speaks and loves is even more incredible. I am so blessed to be loved by a God like that.

Trisha Cullington ... Addictions Worker ... With Honours

I used to always dislike school a lot. I never thought I was very smart at any subject and as a result I didn't always do well in school. I was better at leaving school then sticking with it. Over this past year, those thoughts changed. I had my heart set on going to a different school in a different country and was waiting to hear from them. It was during this waiting period that I got a call from another school here in Toronto asking if I wanted to come and meet with an admissions rep. I had previously requested information from the school but I had forgotten all about it. So I went and met with this guy and we talked about the programs that they offered and what I would be interested in and before I knew it I was writing an admissions test, getting accepted and sitting in a classroom about to be trained to become an addictions worker. It was a little crazy how it all happened so fast. I was scared ... especially when I found out on my first day of class that I had been accepted to the school in the other country and now thanks to college I wasn't going to be able to go. But a wise friend calmed me down and asked "Which one of these things never could have happened unless God planned it?" The answer was college, so I stuck with it. It was a crazy adventure with very interesting fellow students/friends. This past Sunday all the crazy adventures with college came to an end at my graduation ceremony. They read my name off that little card, "Trisha Cullington, Addictions Worker, with honours". I smiled when I heard that "With honours" part. I got an average of 90% overall in a program!?! And all at once I was overwhelmed by how gracious God has been to me this past year. He sustained me and taught me so much through the many adventures of my past school year. He has always believed in me. He has always known that I was smart and that I can complete things, and complete them well and now I know those things to be true as well.

Some days are worth waking up for...

I am not particularly fond of mornings usually. I like days that include sleeping in and that extra time cuddled into nice warm blankets. But sometimes, days are really worth waking up for. Last Friday was one of those days. I woke up to the prettiest sunrise I have seen in the city in a long time. Man, God can paint such pretty pictures! And I got to go to the zoo!!!!! I love the zoo! The zoo right now has some baby animals as well. They have 2 baby tigers, and a baby gorilla. They have some other babies but the tigers and the gorillas were the only ones we got to see. I love baby animals! So cute! My dad retired from teaching last spring, but is now supply teaching whenever he is asked. His old school was going to the zoo and needed parent volunteers to go. He volunteered himself and me to go. So I was given a group of four, grade two, children. All of whom were super cute, and friendly, and SLOW! But I loved it! Pretty sunrise, fun kids, and the zoo! That for sure was a day worth waking up for!

The strongest desire...

The strongest desire in me right now is to pack all my stuff and my puppy in my car and head west. I want to keep driving until this feeling goes away... This feeling of unsettledness... This deep ache that someone or something or someplace is missing from my life. I am on a journey right now to figure out where this ache is coming from. It might just be coming from a place that here in Ontario, though I am surrounded by family and some good friends, I am extremely lonely. I came across this quote today that I loved about loneliness.

Henri Nouwen' writes:
"Many people deal with [aloneness] through loneliness. That means you experience your aloneness as a wound, as something that hurts you, makes you miserable... but as Christians…we are called to experience our aloneness as a gift—as God’s gift—so that in our aloneness we might discover how deeply we are loved by God. … After all in solitude we can gradually be led to the truth that we are who God made us to be"
Henri Nouwen was a celibate man who struggled with loneliness his whole life...

Oh Lord, that you will truly use this time of loneliness/aloneness as a gift, as a time of learning truths and even more realizations of how much you love me.

A time for love, laughter and tears...

I flew home to Ontario last night after a mini vacation to Manitoba and Calgary. In Manitoba I got to see my friend Jay, and experience his basically whole new life. He has a new car, new apartment, new job, and new wardrobe. I love being friends with Jay as much now as ever. I got to hang out with his mom a whole bunch as well and had such an amazing time! I love his mom. We just sit and chat for hours and I love that I am able to be completely open and honest with her. Plus she gets crazy ideas like I do, and I got to paint their kitchen and dining room/living room area while I was there. I love Jay for not killing either of us for deciding to do it and for roping him into helping us as well. He is such a good friend! I am lucky to have him in my life :)


After I left Manitoba, I hopped on a plane and headed to Calgary. I was greeted with hugs from Kathryn and Vinj. And due to my lack of sleep they were greeted with about an hour of barely understandable, hyper, rambling on my part. I know they love it though. We went back to their house that they share with another family (Art, Corrina, and Evan) that I know. Before we knew it, our friend Chris was calling to say he was 10 minutes away. One of the reasons I chose this past weekend to go to Calgary was because I knew Chris was going to be there and I wanted to surprise him. The surprise was a success! He had no idea I was there and was shocked to see me. Yeah! I love when surprises remain surprises. My time spent with Kathryn, Vinj and Chris was mainly spent listening to them play music, which I absolutely love, talking and laughing. I haven't laughed so much in such a long time. It felt so wonderful and was much needed, for all of us I think. I love getting to witness Kathryn and Vinj's marriage. It brings such joy to my life every time I get to do it. I also loved getting to see Chris. I always cry when he leaves (yes I know I am a huge girl) but I made the decision before I went, that the tears that would inevitably follow were worth the days that I was going to get to spend in his presence. And I was right, it was worth it. I feel so blessed to have such an incredible and real friendship with him. On my last day in Calgary I got to hang out with my friend Laura and her son Garrison at IKEA. It was so nice getting to chat with her and play with her little guy. It was also so nice to get to hang out with Art and Corrina and their son Evan. I am so glad I got to go on this trip (the views from the airplane rides were amazing!) and see everyone I got to. It was definitely a wonderful blessing all around and now I am just left missing my friends.

100 Random Things That I Love…

- Long distance phone calls that last for hours
- Going into used book stores
- Watching the snow fall
- Reading a book that you don’t want to put down
- Knowing that you did a really good job at something
- Playing in the rain
- Getting mail
- Listening to someone play guitar
- The mountains
- Making someone smile
- Great hugs
- Having faith
- Surprising someone
- Sitting by a lake and hanging out with God
- Watching my puppy sleep
- Re-runs of my favourite TV show/movie
- The smell of a baby
- Quality time
- Going to the zoo
- Taking a walk in the fall
- Being artsy or pretending to be at least
- Unconditional love
- The covers of old books
- Getting personal e-mails
- Fuzzy Peaches
- Getting to tell someone that I love them
- Watching my godson and his sister do something that they love
- Singing a baby to sleep
- Sarcasm
- Holding hands
- Knowing someone else’s favourite thing and getting it for them
- Teaching Sunday school
- Hanging out with my grandma
- Daisies
- Making a new friend
- Going on an airplane
- Seeing someone I haven’t seen in a long time
- Really good music
- Witnessing a couple who really love each other
- Knowing that God has everything planned out for me
- Laughing really hard
- Cribbage
- Stuffed animals
- Taking baths
- Discovering unique things in stores
- Having an amazing best friend
- Learning something new
- Cuddling
- Photographs
- Sleeping in
- Taking steps of faith
- Great quotes, poems, and song lyrics
- Completing something
- Kisses on the forehead
- Antiques
- Soft blankets
- Ice cream
- Being really passionate about something
- Comfort
- Sleepovers
- Swimming
- Fruit
- Memories
- Boys who have shaven faces
- Having a ton of pets
- Volunteering
- Encouraging others
- Star gazing
- Coconut lime body spray
- Experiencing different cultures
- The feeling you get at the top of a ski/snowboard hill right before you start going down
- Birch bark trees
- The way God knows exactly what I need
- A great conversation
- Sea Monkeys
- Feeling inspired
- Picnics
- Quiet evenings, spent at home, with a friend
- Board games
- Missions trips
- Hearing about the way God is working in a person’s life
- Camping
- Butterflies
- Fireplaces
- Colouring
- Feeling alive
- Scrap booking
- Worship services
- Milk and cookies
- The feeling of wind
- Bare feet
- Driving
- Getting to know someone, the real them
- Sunrises and sunsets
- Being able to trust a person
- Swings in parks
- Flowers growing in the spring
- Children’s books
- Running
- Being able to love this many things

Better to light a candle than curse the darkness...

Those are the words on the side of the 30ft motorhome that Light Patrol takes into the city on most of their outreach nights ... "Better to light a candle than curse the darkness" ... Tonight we had a meeting for the volunteers of Light Patrol. The director of Light Patrol finished off the evening by talking about this phrase and what it means having it there and how it can affect all of us who go out to the streets to "be a light". I have been thinking about this phrase ever since... These past three months as I have gone out hoping to BE a light, I have FOUND a light in the darkness as well. Maybe it's just that I can be an ever hopeful optimist, but in the darkness I can see God, the ultimate light, working. Maybe it's just that I can not deny the fact that there is this amazing creator who loves my friends on the streets, who wants to provide them with a life filled with light, out of the darkness. Whatever it is, I can not deny the light I found on the street this summer.



God knew that I was going to be going through a time of change this summer, a lonely time, and he took care of it for me. He brought me to a wonderful group of staff and volunteers that I got to work along side with. They brought so much light to my life everyday. God also brought all of my new friends on the street into my life. He ordained every good, meaningful conversation I had, and even just the "What can I get for you tonight?" conversations. He was there. The light was there. I got to learn all over again what it means to try and live a servant life, simply because Christ did it. I got to learn to love complete strangers for no reason except for the fact that God wanted me to. You see as much as I wanted to be a light in the darkness this summer, God gets to take all the credit for that light. As much as a person, like me, goes into things like this outreach opportunity hoping to help bring a change to someone else’s life, I think the greatest change happens in ouselves. My official placement ends on Tuesday (but I'll be sticking around Light Patrol and helping as much as I can) and as that placement ends, the light that I had hoped to reflect to others has changed me in ways I am only starting to realize, because God is always there and He is good!

My friends on the streets...

Homeless
By: Gary Hyink

My world fell apart the other day
A personal tragedy tore my world away
I was once so comfortable and secure
My life is now a constant blur
Family times and days well spent
Are now replaced by cold, hard cement
I never meant for it to be this way
A personal tragedy tore my world away
It's kind of you to help me when you do
Maybe you realize it could happen to you

I have posted in the past about doing my hours for my school placement, but have never really said much about what I am actually doing. For the past three months I have had the privilege of working with a homeless outreach called Light Patrol. They bring light and hope, into the darkness and despair that is often the streets of Toronto. They also bring practical things like food, water, clothes, and hygiene items to the people who need it. On the nights that we go out we usually go downtown in a motor home. We have our usual stops and people know where to find us. We are always searching out to meet new people that we can be a friend to. Our friends on the streets usually come on and hang out with us. They share with us their lives and stories. They become our friends. It is an amazing privilege to get to hang out with these people. Some are older, some younger. Some struggle with drug and alcohol addictions, most of them have been abused in some way, some are prostitutes, but they all matter. Every single one of them has a name that is worth knowing and a story that is worth telling. So many of them have amazing talents and posses great amounts of knowledge about so many topics. I have loved my last three months of getting to hang out with my friends on the streets. They are some of the most unique groups of people I have ever met. Most of their stories break my heart and make me wish I could do more. That is when I have to remember that God does more then I could ever imagine. When we leave the streets and go back to our homes, where we have roofs over our heads, God stays there. He loves every single one of my friends on the streets because they are a child of His. They may deny it and not want anything to do with God, but he will never stop loving them. I guess that thought gives me comfort ... when I know I can't make everything better, I know God is working it all out.

If you ever want to know anything more about my time hanging out with my homeless friends, donate items or are interested in becoming a financial and/or prayer supporter for a Light Patrol full time worker please feel free to contact me.

I LOVE THE FALL!!!

This summer I set a list of goals for myself. Some of them I did really well, others I failed miserably at. I had an amazing, relaxing summer all in all. But now fall has come and let me just state this: I LOVE THE FALL! I love the fall for a number of reasons...

1- Because it gives me another season to keep working at my goals
2- Sweaters! I love getting to wear big comfy sweaters
3- Picnics in the park with my puppy and my favourite boy ... I know it is probably more of a spring thing but for me it is a fall thing
4- As a philosophical boy recently told me "In the summer people look to the earth. In the fall people look to God." I can't help but admire how cool God is at creating things and changing things and making things to reflect how awesome He is, especially in the fall
5- Taking walks in the cool fresh air
6- Drives up north are never more beautiful
7- Trees everywhere are gorgeous
8- Fall means no more re-runs of my favourite TV shows, which is always enjoyable
9- Celebrating Beth and Jim's wedding anniversary
10- I feel like with all the changes in the fall season, I feel more hopeful... like anything is possible, anything can happen, and anything I really want to change is changeable

Like I said before.... I LOVE THE FALL!!!! Enjoy some beautiful fall photos that help make me love fall even more!

Love...

It is amazing the things you can fall in love with... places, animals, people… This summer I spent a lot of time with my new puppy, Daisy. It was an immediate love that I had for her. I have loved getting to watch her grow over the summer. It has been a privilege to teach her new things and care for her. This summer I also fell in love with a boy. His name is David and he is 7 months old. What an amazing baby he is. For a week in August I got to go up to Jackson's Point Salvation Army Camp with a group of moms and their kids. For an entire week I got to cuddle this little baby and feed him and sing him to sleep, while his mom got to have time to relax a little bit. It was wonderful. It is funny how love for certain things often stirs up love for other things in your heart. Africa, missions, orphanages and the list goes on, are some of the few things baby David stirred in my heart. He reminded me of the call God has on my life to help and care for those who are unable to care for themselves. I love remembering how much God loves the little children and how much we should as well and man do I ever love this little boy...

Where did July go???

Wow, so it's already August? I can't believe it! I don't know where the time has gone at all. Summer is going well. I am kind of doing well at accomplishing some of my summer goals. Let’s see.... I have visited camp 3 times already; Daisy and I have gone to 2 weeks of puppy classes so far; I have gone on a road trip (with a ton of driving) and swam with polar bears; I have reconnected and hung out with some of my friends from the city as well as I have hung out with some of my friends that stayed home from MWSR this summer and yesterday I took Grant and Erica to Ontario Place. I am also continuing to do my school placement and loving it a lot. Some of my other goals are half way being done and hopefully I'll be able to keep checking them off my list. I also had my birthday in July. As of July 22nd I was 23! I can't believe how old I feel already. So that’s about it I believe for my summer so far. The pictures below are from my road trip and swim with the polar bears.














Daisy is all ready for her camping/road trip!



And she set right to digging holes once we had arrived at each new camping site!



We stopped at this AMAZING used bookstore along the highway. I love old books! While the store is in a random location, it is well worth the stop! There are just shelves and shelves of pretty much any type of book you could hope for.



Yeah for polar bears being up close! Really really close!



Got to love the scenery while you drive! (Although my mom wasn't so keen when I took a picture while driving, go figure.)

Beautiful Somehow

By: Joy Williams

Well I’ve never been a fashion queen
I wear dresses, I wear jeans
I’ve even been known to wear my heart on my sleeve
I’m just your average kid next door
A plain, simple mystery
I’m a self-proclaimed Daddy’s girl
With my share of idiosyncrasies
But You love me for me

CHORUS
And I’m just fine
I see a smile from Heaven
My Father is proud
I know that I am simply, fearfully and wonderfully
Made in You
You make it beautiful somehow

I’ve got old fashioned sensibilities
I believe chivalry still exists
And I can be a princess
Even when there ain’t no prince
So what if I’m right brained
I’ve got half a mind to disagree
I would rather write the book
Than go and read the movie
So even when I may not rhyme
You always give me reason…

CHORUS

Got my elbows on the table
My mind up in the clouds
I know I’m getting better
I can almost hear You laugh out loud
The more I trust in You
The more I find What You create is no mistake
It’s purpose by design

CHORUS